About BEYOND THE BOTTLE
Beyond the Bottle is a free flow of thoughts & experiences from an addict’s brain, put together and published for all to see.
I’m in no way an expert in addiction, therapy, or counselling.
This is simply an insight into how one addict views, thinks, and lives in todays world.
Problems you think are tiny may clog my dreams, and colossal head-fuck’s to you could seem like a raindrop to me.
It’s all about perspective. Welcome to mine.
twenty six, july, 2020
I realised this morning that my birthday kind of whisked quietly by this year, yet last weekend I spent 3 happy days visiting family and celebrating.
Last year it was an event, “my first sober birthday”, it felt like we were celebrating two achievements – over 6 months sober and officially surpassing any risk of joining ‘The 27 Club’.
twelve, july, 2020
change the record, Ben
I’m not sure I’ve ever cracked the seal of a bottle faster than I did in that moment, I poured half a glass, with a topper of coke, and downed it in one. I stood hands on the sink, staring at myself in the mirror thinking “It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay, you’ve got booze now”. Comforting myself, reminding myself that my best friend was again, just by my side.
seven, June, 2020
the green line
On Friday, I felt a real sense of freedom.
I met up with someone outside my home. Actually not just someone, a new friend living a similar journey to me, Dave (@SoberDave). We had a great afternoon, walked round the woods, took some snaps and shared stories, struggles, joy and sorrow.
twenty four, may, 2020
summertime, and the livin’s easy…?
As we move towards the end of May, and into June, a slight dread comes over me. I remember feeling this when I was 5 months sober last year, and back then I squirrelled away, but this year I’ve got no nuts to hide.
It’s Summertime and no matter what your situation, drinking is a hot topic…
seventeen, may, 2020
Perspective: My best Friend, my 20’s
Last week’s post was inspired by Mittal’s question about the balance between recovery and life. What started out as a brief chat, turned into an insightful, honest, and somewhat harrowing conversation.
I’ve looked to the past a few times in recent posts…
ten, may, 2020
balance: Recovery & reality
This week I talked to one of my best friends, Mittal. This week we chatted, caught up, the usual, and then the conversation turned to my recovery.
However, it didn’t take the usual tone of ‘how’s it going?’ ‘how’s lockdown?’. Mittal is a philosophical man and asked me something I’d never come across before…
three, may, 2020
Perspectives: my former housemate
It’s no secret that I was in active addiction for years, but in 2018 it took a destructive turn. This was the year that I lost my job, relationship, home, moved back into my parents’ house and went to rehab.
But before that, I moved in with Jake and his then girlfriend, Imi…
Twenty Six, april, 2020
When I first set out on the adventure of sobriety I discovered what it was like to have a clear head again, be more mindful, have feelings come back, and I would often find myself with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.
In recovery we are always grateful for many people and things but…
Nineteen, april, 2020
6am – 25/04/20
We continue on in lockdown, living out the routines we have created and aside what we have for dinner, not much changes.
Turbulent weeks have become a norm, but this week instead of recapping on my week, I want to take you back to a specific day, to live in a moment. I have mentioned before that I keep a little yellow book…
twelve, april, 2020
500 days of sober
This week I hit 500 days sober.
That’s 1 year 4 months and 14 days. Around £17,500 saved and 25,106 units not drunk.
But more importantly getting sober has saved my life.
I always look at milestones as a point of reflection. The reality is 500 days ago…
five, april, 2020
As Corona lockdown continues, time is still the enemy.
Last week it felt like I was a contestant on Supermarket Sweep. Dashing through life’s store, grabbing at anything I could to fill the time.
Flipping between the 18 tabs open on my laptop, looking into…
Twenty Nine, march, 2020
As I sit here typing I notice that, within the first 13 words, my head feels space for the first time this week.
For the last 20 seconds my head hasn’t thought about things I don’t want to think about or going to memories I fear, because everything I’m thinking I’m just writing. It’s freeing.
Twenty Two, march, 2020
As I turn into my Dad’s street, a large bush sways in the wind triggering my mind to memories of the past.
I distract myself by smiling at a dog walker and continue up to the house, pulling into the drive. The big white garage door fills the windscreen and another…
fifteen, march, 2020
An old friend
I’ve spent 4 weekends in London since I left rehab, and I’d be lying if I said it felt normal. For the past year I’ve rented a room in London during the week, and gone to family homes in Cambridge or Nottingham, every Friday to Sunday.
In short, it’s been essential to go to a “safe place”…
eight, march, 2020
Don’t hear that often, right? It took me a while to come to terms with it too. After many years of problematic drinking, 2 seizures, 4 day hospital stay, 2 months in residential rehab and 24 hours of therapy, today I am proud to say I am a recovering alcoholic.
My journey started far before…